The year is 2015. I’m a single, poor, uni student dabbling between Maccas runs and two-minute noodles for meals. I’ve dated lots of trash men. I’m over said trash men. I finally decide to act on my numerous adolescent Yahoo Answer searches of “Am I into girls as well?”

Fast forward to the year 2021. The Yahoo Answers were correct. I came out as bi-sexual in 2015, and I’ve had two relationships only, both with women, since my two-minute noodle days (I now cook them for three minutes FYI…gives them that little bit extra flavour). I’m now freshly single and somewhat ready to mingle. It’s not until several brunch dates later that I have realised that people think I would never touch a man again with a ten-foot pole. Wait, when did I ever say this? Was I drunk? Did I buy too many Doc Martens over the past 6 years?

Don’t get me wrong, I’m definitely a lot gayer than I initially thought back in the two-minute noodle era, but I don’t want Zac Efron to think I’m not available to him if he happens to bump into me at a Byron Bay cafe?! What if I wish to (regretfully) have another crack at one of my old male exes? Nope, they think I’m way out of the picture. I may never date a man again, but I’d like to think that if I do, it won’t be a massive shock to the world and completely disregard my bisexuality. Part of me doesn’t want to date a man because then it ruins everything I spent the last six years building on – “Did you know Yas is straight again?!” NOOOOO.

The truth is, people struggle to understand what they can’t see, which is a recurring problem for the LGBTIQ+ community. If you’re transgender, you receive “but you don’t look like a man?!” If you’re homosexual people say, “but you don’t sound gay?!” And if you’re anything in-between, “I would never have picked that??!”.

Even though I ‘came out’ as ‘bisexual’, rarely did anyone ever follow that. I was always labeled as a lesbian. ‘Did you know Yasmin is a LeSsSBiiIaAn now?!.’ ‘You wouldn’t find him hot because yOuu’rEe A LesSBiann!’

I went along with it in the end because I was exhausted having to correct people all the time. I think in 2021 we’re so used to making everything so dramatic that we forget sometimes, that it’s just not. It’s just a gal wanting to date another gal or a gal dating a guy.

I’ve worked it out now though, I understand how it all works. So when a bisexual woman is dating a man, she turns straight. When a bisexual woman is dating another woman, she’s a lesbian. And when a bisexual woman is single, she wants to have sex with everyone and NO ONE IS SAFE!!!!

To be fair, I would have sex with about three of my friends right now. Yet, 97% of my friends think I want to have sex with them. That’s right, all five of my friends think that!

The moral of the story is, ever since I went from two-minute noodles to three-minute noodles, I realised that coming out happens every single day. Whether it’s having to remind people of what you identify as, or telling old mate Gazza ‘Sorry, I have a girlfriend’. Don’t bother trying to make people understand you, just keep doing you and those that do get it, well, you’ll probably end up having sex with them.


Interview with Reuben Kaye


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