I’ve Dated Mostly Women…Do I Need to Say Bye to Being Bisexual?
Short answer: no! Long answer: The editor of this magazine thought it would be a good idea for me, a 26-year-old bisexual female, to write something to celebrate Bisexual Awareness Week. CRAZY right?!
Yet when I started writing this, I felt a sense of shame and thought perhaps there’s someone MORE bisexual that could write something; perhaps there’s someone that has been with more women AND men than me; or perhaps there’s someone that doesn’t sometimes question that maybe they’re just a full-blown lesbian.
If there’s one thing I’ve learnt since putting the B in LGBTIQ+, it’s that it’s okay to experiment with your own personal label, even if you’ve already Come Out™ to yourself and those around you.
For example, I’m going to spill too much tea and turn back time to about a year ago when I had sex with a man for the first time in six years. I was dating women before that, and if you’ve ever had sex with a woman, it basically starts on day one and doesn’t finish until six glorious years later.
At the time – disclosing for legal purposes – I was about 70% lesbian, and 30% could go men. So, 70% of me thought I’d get back on the horse and see if I’d still had it in me. Firstly, he lasted FOREVER. Like 80 minutes. He’s doing what every straight female would dream of, but not every 70% lesbian. Turns out he was also sneaking to the bathroom and smoking the stuff Snoop Dogg does…which apparently prolongs the ejaculation process. Ah, yes, it’s all coming back to me now.
On top of that (him), he continuously asked me to ~Look At Him~ while having sex. It’s like he could tell that my brain was thinking of Katy Perry shooting whipped cream out of her tits or something. I then got the ick real quick, and after that it’s safe to say I was ~90% lesbian.
He was nice, I’ll admit that. But there was almost no emotional connection there, which is the main distinction I personally struggle with between dating men and women. So, I looked him straight in the eyes, and friend-zoned him.
One thing I did love, however, was how chill and supportive he was when I told him I was bisexual, and I’d been with women previously. He didn’t even grossly ask for a threesome?!
One problem us bisexual folk face, though, is not every romantic partner you have is supportive of your sexuality. In fact, I’m pretty sure that’s the reason I got ghosted by a guy (…it can’t just be because of my annoying personality, right?!).
Now I’m currently dating a gal.
She’s perf, and our eye contact during sex is maintained at a nice healthy amount. I’ll admit, right now I feel more like a lesbian.
*Cue remix of Shania Twain – Man, I feel like a Lesbian. Dun dun da da da dun dun!*
However, this is probably because I’m surrounded by a lot of them, I’m madly in love with one, and I can’t really see myself being with anyone else 5eva. But that’s OK. I’m not going to be expelled from the bisexuality Facebook group or suddenly burn into flames (at least, I hope).
We’re all doing our own little discoveries. It’s a process. So – my fellow bisexuals – don’t feel shame if you start to question some things or explore certain areas of your sexuality. I used to get so defensive when people would label me a lesbian instead of a bisexual, and now I think a lot of that was just some sneaky internalised homophobia.
Now I’m happy for people to think what they want to think, yet that confidence in your own sexuality takes time (7 years for me lol). Follow your heart and the rest will work itself out. I’ve still got that 10% of men tolerance left in me. And who knows, maybe one day I might get to use it on Zac Efron.
But for now, I’m just happy being me and doing (her).
